BOOK REVIEW: The Ruby Rule – How More Listening and Less Labeling, Brings More Healing and Less Hating

By Jim Heffernan

I think it was the full title, “The Ruby Rule: How More Listening and Less Labeling, Brings More Healing and Less Hating” that drew me to this self-improvement book. The idea of life with more healing and less hating is just so appealing, I couldn’t resist.

I’m sure we’re all aware of the “Golden Rule” but in this book the author introduces us to a progression beyond the”Golden Rule”, namely the “Platinum Rule” and the “Ruby Rule”.

Below are excerpts that actually capture the essential message of the book pretty well.

The Golden Rule: Treat others as you want to be treated.

The Platinum Rule: Treat others as they want to be treated.

The Ruby Rule: Treat others to exceed their expectations.

1. Embracing productive not destructive arguments

2. Changing our perspective

3. Avoiding instant certainty

4. Resisting the cancel-culture movement

5. Opposing the eye-for-an-eye mindset

6. Learning to love our enemies

7. Recognizing and embracing light and truth

8. Speaking up instead of being silent

9. Creating vaulted conversations (a vaulted conversation is a confidential conversation strictly between two people, no sharing with others)

10. Using civil restraint to bring about metanoia (metanoia is a sense of remorse and a change in attitude)

So how do we elevate our altruism from Gold to Platinum and Platinum to Ruby? We must:

The author writes in a light conversational style that is easy to follow and punctuates his chapters with stories and examples taken from his life. It felt like I was in a casual conversation with the author. Each of his ten points in his suggested progression gets a chapter in the book. Each chapter also has a re-cap which I found useful.

Here’s how he ends the book.

“Look around. You will quickly realize that now, more than ever, we need to do more than believe in civility and love. We need to ACT with civility and love. I truly believe that if we start doing this–even if it’s just one of us who decides to start adhering more closely to the ideals of the Ruby Rule-it will lead to a civility movement. I think most in this country are hungry for it and ready to forge a new path. Ultimately, this can lead to more us and less them, more listening and less labeling, and more healing and less hating.