By Linda Shaffer
Like it or not, your life will be easier if you learn the skill of patience. Some people are born with it and some not. It tends to be a quality found in women more than men but I question why. Seems to me that all humans could be patient if they want to be but it requires work and years of practice. There are no trees you can pick it off of or pills you can take to give you some. You have to actually work at getting it finely tuned if you want it. And you should.
For the record, the word patience is a noun. It means, “The capacity of enduring hardship or inconvenience without complaint.” Synonyms are: forbearance, long suffering and resignation. This terminology reminds me of all those lovely old black and white movies I watch. So much suffering…so much unrequited love…so much angst. Why do I continue watching? Happy endings. Those erase all the other stuff. Yes, I do also get giggles from some of the theatrics. These folks were serious about expressing moods for the camera. The cameraman? He’s the one enduring hardship.
I am a person who learned patience over a lifetime but the past few years have honed my skills. I believe Geezers should get bonus points for being healthy. At 95, my mother falls in this category. I don’t. This means she can be as crabby as she wants with no penalty. Me? Nope. I’m still on the patience scale. If you spend time in a nursing home or hospital you get challenge points which require you to have extra patience and more humor. If you are a caregiver, you get even more of those. These tools are essential to keep on living a life worth having…no matter what your circumstances are. Your life has to be good for you.
I am amazed at how different we are and at the same time, how much we share. Getting old isn’t easy. Most of the jokes I see about it are funny but there is a tiny part of each of them that is painful because it is true. I laugh anyway. Most of us are pretty brave because we are living in a world that is profoundly different from the one we were born into. We have been challenged to learn a whole different way of living than our parents and their parents knew. Some of us have accepted that world. Some not. My guess is that your happiness quotient is directly related to how much of your life you think is within your control.
I’ll bet you’ve got more control over your life than you think. All you need is patience. How do I know? I have been “Caller # 68”, (more or less) so many times that I forgot. I put the phone on speaker and did something that brought me joy. Why? The call was critical to the care of someone I loved. Motive. You need one and it has to be important to you. If you have put off making a call that could change your life because of your own impatience — try again. The older you get, the more important you become. Most of us were not taught this. We are free to learn it now. It might be a tough lesson, but trust me, you’re worth it.
Aging for humans is not like cheese. We don’t want to sit on shelves and wait to be turned. The longer you can stay at home or in a situation you feel in control of, the better. It doesn’t matter where that is as much as it matters how you are and if you are patient enough to handle your life. I do not like dragging oxygen tubing, walkers, bath chairs, infusions, BI-pap and canes. They are, in fact, my friends and allow me to live a good life. All they require is my acceptance of myself and my patience with them.
I have been sewing a Christmas stocking for my great granddaughter Violet. It is very complex. There are hundreds of sequins and tiny stitches. There are beads and French knots. There are things that hurt my hands, wrists and shoulders. I take days off. Every time the thread pulls out of a needle before I’m done, I practice patience. Each mistake I re-do not for her, but for me. Sometimes the thread tangles around a sequin and pulls it loose. Today…I go to my computer and write this column.
Have a great, patient week my friends.