By Linda Shaffer
Like most of you, I didn’t have a clue what a pandemic could do to this world. When I look back on those days and at how Covid changed us, I still see the scars of anger and fear and stress in our lives that weren’t all there in the same way before that time. The bright spot on this horizon is that I see us coming back with our most effective weapons. We are hugging again. We are touching each other without being afraid.
Hugs are an amazing process. Each of us has a different style and some of us have limitations. I love hugs so much that I lose my balance and have almost taken the hugee and myself to the floor with my enthusiasm. Most huggers touch bodies. Some don’t like that part and keep a safe distance using arms only. At least one person I knew almost broke my ribs. I didn’t like that hug so much. It was a bossy hug. The shorter I get, the more my hugs with tall people change. I used to hug Mr. Ss belly button. It’s pretty much the same story with my grandsons. Kisses for them are now delivered to their necks or shoulders as I can’t reach anything else.
Just so you know, the word hug is a verb so there is some action indicated there. It was first used in the 1560s and might be a relative of the Old Norse word hugga which meant ‘to comfort’ or the German word hegen , to ‘cherish or build a hedge around’. Either way it’s a great word and a wonderful form of non-verbal communication so long as you don’t live in a culture where hugs are not welcomed. Many Asian countries do not feature hugging as part of their cultures. Clearly, they find ways to touch but hugging isn’t one of them.
Virginia Satir, an American Family Therapist believes we are ‘hug deprived.’ Her estimate is that we need 4 hugs a day to survive, 8 for basic maintenance and 12 to thrive. I’m not sure about how I would keep track of that and what it would do to my cheerful disposition. I live with a cat who bites me. Yes, he does provide hugs on his own terms but why would I try to hug him? I’m not feeling the healing in this. I do get hugs from friends a couple of times a week. I know they help me. Maybe I should try to hug the mailman when he brings a package or hug the neighbor lady when she comes over. The ‘Attack Hug’ could catch on or get people arrested for mugging. Maybe we should leave that one alone.
Hugs have proven themselves to be real champions in good health. They can reduce stress, pain and even blood pressure through the production of oxytocin, which acts as a buffer against the stress hormone cortisol. Of course, women benefit from oxytocin more than men. Like other feel-good things, I think it could be because they want to. Men are wonderful creatures but if you tell them a hormone might make them feel better, they will likely tell you to go fly a kite…or something like that.
Human beings like to complicate things, so they have come up with a new type of hug. I am pretty sure this must be an American thing. It’s called “Glomping”. The hugee is hopefully sitting and the hugger runs up and jumps on said person. It’s a tackle hug. The romp continues until both huggers are on the ground. This is supposed to be funny in a slapstick kind of way but I do not recommend it for Geezers. Because it sounds pretty dumb to me, there’s no question in my mind that it will catch on and become an Olympic sport.
What do real hugs look like? There is an artist in Portland, OR by the name of Gesine Krastner. In the loneliness of Covid, she created Hugs by Mail. They are wonderful little creatures who make you smile because you can see and feel the hugs. Her Blob House characters are like hugs to me. Each one of them is unique and beg to be touched. The image of her on Oregon Public Television, surrounded by her friends has kept me smiling since the first time I saw it. If you get a chance, look it up HERE …it’ll make you smile, too.
No, I didn’t forget touch. Remember when we used to touch each other without pulling back? Touching is right up there with hugs when it comes to feeling better. We need to practice it more and fear it less. How? I’m not sure but I don’t like the idea that we have become more and more afraid of each other. What if we start petting our friends like we do our cats and dogs? Or maybe that’s a bit much. I’m sure you’ll find a way to touch someone you love and give them a hug or two.
Have a great week my friends.