By Neal Lemery
This week, life gave me some perspectives of my role in community building and healing. It was time for me to be in school, and to get reacquainted with taking a positive, proactive role, to quit my bellyaching and whining, and take some positive action.
A friend invited me to coffee, seeking some guidance and direction on their new role parenting a young relative. They thought I had some wisdom on the subject, but I suspect they were more in search of affirmation and encouragement, with me as a cheerleader and proverbial optimist. I can certainly play the role of cheerleader, and have the scars to prove I’ve played the role of a parent of teenagers.
Yet, I celebrate my role as parent, having just had a rich conversation with one of my sons this week. That unexpected phone call was filled with rich stories, laughter, and his comment that he had called “just to hear your voice”. Our talk about relationships, marriage, and our mutual desire to keep learning affirmed my thoughts that I’d done a decent job with him.
At coffee with my friend, I listened, commiserated, encouraged, and offered a few suggestions. My friend thought I was a genius, as they acted on my ideas and found success and affirmation. My theory is that they instinctively knew the answers and the ideas had ripened and were well received. They had done the hard work, and just needed to see they were headed in the right direction. It’s not too hard to give a gentle nudge when people are already doing the right thing.
It was a reflective week, as well. A friend had given a talk about their passion in cleaning cemetery headstones, and helping families find their heritage, while sharing some nearly forgotten local history. In that work, they celebrate the lives of those who have gone before us, and giving us all a sense of foundation and heritage.
I took that message to motivate me to visit my own family graves, and do some much needed maintenance and rehabilitation. As I stood there in the cemetery, gently brushing off old leaves and debris and applying a cleanser to wash off decades of gunk, I took a good look at the names, and the dates of birth and death. I ruminated over all the good times and hard times represented by the dashes between those dates, and the impact those ancestors had on me.
It was a time of contemplation, gratitude, and respect. I hadn’t taken the time lately to acknowledge their contributions to my life and the importance of the ancestors’ various roles in their raising of me. Like most of us, I get caught up in the daily busyness and worries, and ignore who I’ve become and why. A lot of that comes from those family members whose headstones I was cleaning. A few tears came, and also a flood of good memories and gratitude.
These days are abundant in harsh words and comments, with people taking the opportunity to be snide, hostile, and even indifferent to another person’s crisis. The daily news cycle overflows with crisis and uncertainty. I’m trying to limit my exposure to social media and its recent abundance of nastiness, and political discussions having a dominant theme of adversity and opposition. I want all that clamor to instead be a vehicle for addressing challenging community needs.
I left the cemetery, and that coffee shop after seeing my friend, with a new sense of gratitude and peace, knowing that in life, we do a lot of good things, and help a lot of people on their own walks in life. The daily news cycle may seem important to people now, but knowing that I’ve been both the giver and the recipient of good thoughts, support, and kindness is worthy of my celebration and thanks. That’s where I need to put my focus and my love.
