EDITOR’S NOTE: Ahhh! It’s always a treat to see an email from Neal in my email inbox … and with a view about social media. Our editorial policy is very similar – Truth, Kindness and Necessary … makes for an easy filter when monitoring comments on our social media platforms. And we’ve become very acquainted with the “ban and delete” option. Social media has a place within our communications when it focuses on benefits to the community, by providing accurate information and helpful resources.
by Neal Lemery
I’m tired of the bitterness and confrontational atmosphere of many social media posts, as well as how daily life is popularly reported in traditional media. It has become an environment of combat and derision, of snarkiness and often outright rude behavior, rather than informational, a building, a celebration of the best of us.
Being reactive, angry, frustrated, and generally being in a divisive, combative mindset hasn’t been very productive. A look at the headlines in the newspaper or taking in the evening news on TV seems to be proof of that approach. Many social media posts and many in the political sphere seem to take pride in their nastiness. Our society seems mired in bitterness, hatred, and animosity. We seem to be adrift, lacking a moral compass. To what end?
What is my role in all of this? I often feel pulled into the rancor, the fighting and the biting, sarcastic remarks and commentary. I need to think about how do I respond to social media, which seems to be taking an ever-larger role in how we interact with the world. How do I look at the world, its problems, how I deal with what lands on my plate? How do I navigate this world? What tools will give me the best viewpoint, the best, most effective analysis, so that I can find answers and move ahead?
Am I part of the problem, or am I part of the solution?
Finding consensus and building compassion hasn’t seemed to be the goal of the game of getting through life in 2023. The aim seems to be having the biggest body count in politics, applying the scorched earth mentality where the winner should be taking all, and to heck with the other side. And, aren’t there only two sides: us and them, the winners and the losers? We, the smart ones, and them, the ignorant ones who have been led astray, and likely without any redeeming value. “They” are easy to toss in the trash.
And, of course, the other side is evil, dangerous, not to be trusted, not to be loved or respected. Thoughtful analysis and learned discourse is for the weak. We must be strong, and, of course, always right. We wouldn’t want to wage war and then revise our thinking, based on someone else’s thoughts or different information. We tend to reach for the convenient labels — the quick and dirty terms for the “others”. The labels seem to stick, without regard for the complexity and depth of a genuinely held outlook on an issue. It all becomes so convenient, quick and dirty.
But, it’s not working. Degrading people and their point of view has never been a long-term, workable answer to society’s problems and the search for useful answers.
I want to try out a different approach. I want to look at an issue, a discussion, as an opportunity to view how my response can be constructive, a building up, become an act of support and creating healthy solutions. Can I respond so that I am positive, a force for good change, to be a builder rather than a wrecking ball? Can I show that I am willing to learn, even change my opinion?
If I l look at a situation with this mindset, then I want to be a builder, a reformer, a force for doing something good. And, if I don’t feel I have the right tools, then isn’t my job to go out and find the tools that work, that build? Aren’t I tasked with resourcing the good ideas that are solution-oriented, constructive? Isn’t that part of the job description of a citizen?
If I let myself be pulled into the nastiness of some social media posts, I soon become the grumpy critic, the one who tears down and bashes, the naysayer. It is more difficult to be the builder, the positive analyzer who is looking for what works, what makes life better, the helper. That theme of the helper, the builder seems to be the bedrock of the major religious faiths and theologies in the world. Yet, that viewpoint is now often swept into the background of a cultural desire to wage social war against the “non-believers” and “others” and a casualty of our cultural wars.
My new approach is to look at a social problem or an issue in our culture from the viewpoint of morality. I need to adopt a new outlook, and be positive. Is my approach based upon applying and advancing sound, thoughtful moral viewpoints and values? I like to think I am in favor of, and an advocate for respecting others, considering their viewpoints, and offering meaningful conversation on the issues, looking toward dialogue, discussion, and mutual positive regard. That requires an open, inquisitive mind, a mind open to new ideas.
Does my thinking and action benefit me? Does it benefit the community? Does it advance the common good? Am I being respectful? Am I open to a challenge to my ideas and thinking, to the point of thoughtful consideration of other viewpoints, and, perhaps, even changing my mind and accepting a different viewpoint as well-reasoned and workable?
A friend recently offered me this challenge and analysis to what a person might say in a discussion or a post on social media. The famed author Ursula LeGuin had this posted on the wall above her desk:
Is it true?
Is it necessary or at least useful?
Is it compassionate, or at least unharmful?
I’m going to try to give this approach a genuine try. I’ll have to change some habits, and develop new mindsets as I go about my life, and compose my social media posts accordingly. I’ll have to look hard at how I talk with people, how I navigate through my life with my family, friends, and community. I’m an old dog and it will be hard to learn new tricks, and try a new, fresh approach. After all, shooting from the hip and being a little nasty and cranky with people is still the mainstay of our 2023 culture. Stepping out of the culture wars and trying something different will take some effort, but I’m ready for a change.
How can each of us do a better job, of being a positive force for change? Are we ready for that?
Books: NEW book – BE THE CHANGE – One Random Act of Kindness at a Time; Neal’s other books include: Building Community: Rural Voices for Hope and Change; Finding My Muse on Main Street, Homegrown Tomatoes, and Mentoring Boys to Men